Document:  All > Shakespeare > Comedies > All's Well That Ends Well > Act II, scene II



	[Enter COUNTESS and Clown]

COUNTESS: Come on, sir; I shall now put you to the height of
	your breeding.

Clown: I will show myself highly fed and lowly taught: I
	know my business is but to the court.

COUNTESS: To the court! why, what place make you special,
	when you put off that with such contempt? But to the court!

Clown: Truly, madam, if God have lent a man any manners, he
	may easily put it off at court: he that cannot make
	a leg, put off's cap, kiss his hand and say nothing,
	has neither leg, hands, lip, nor cap; and indeed
	such a fellow, to say precisely, were not for the
	court; but for me, I have an answer will serve all
	men.

COUNTESS: Marry, that's a bountiful answer that fits all
	questions.

Clown: It is like a barber's chair that fits all buttocks,
	the pin-buttock, the quatch-buttock, the brawn
	buttock, or any buttock.

COUNTESS: Will your answer serve fit to all questions?

Clown: As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney,
	as your French crown for your taffeta punk, as Tib's
	rush for Tom's forefinger, as a pancake for Shrove
	Tuesday, a morris for May-day, as the nail to his
	hole, the cuckold to his horn, as a scolding queen
	to a wrangling knave, as the nun's lip to the
	friar's mouth, nay, as the pudding to his skin.

COUNTESS: Have you, I say, an answer of such fitness for all
	questions?

Clown: From below your duke to beneath your constable, it
	will fit any question.

COUNTESS: It must be an answer of most monstrous size that
	must fit all demands.

Clown: But a trifle neither, in good faith, if the learned
	should speak truth of it: here it is, and all that
	belongs to't. Ask me if I am a courtier: it shall
	do you no harm to learn.

COUNTESS: To be young again, if we could: I will be a fool in
	question, hoping to be the wiser by your answer. I
	pray you, sir, are you a courtier?

Clown: O Lord, sir! There's a simple putting off. More,
	more, a hundred of them.

COUNTESS: Sir, I am a poor friend of yours, that loves you.

Clown: O Lord, sir! Thick, thick, spare not me.

COUNTESS: I think, sir, you can eat none of this homely meat.

Clown: O Lord, sir! Nay, put me to't, I warrant you.

COUNTESS: You were lately whipped, sir, as I think.

Clown: O Lord, sir! spare not me.

COUNTESS: Do you cry, 'O Lord, sir!' at your whipping, and
	'spare not me?' Indeed your 'O Lord, sir!' is very
	sequent to your whipping: you would answer very well
	to a whipping, if you were but bound to't.

Clown: I ne'er had worse luck in my life in my 'O Lord,
	sir!' I see things may serve long, but not serve ever.

COUNTESS: I play the noble housewife with the time
	To entertain't so merrily with a fool.

Clown: O Lord, sir! why, there't serves well again.

COUNTESS: An end, sir; to your business. Give Helen this,
	And urge her to a present answer back:
	Commend me to my kinsmen and my son:
	This is not much.

Clown: Not much commendation to them.

COUNTESS: Not much employment for you: you understand me?

Clown: Most fruitfully: I am there before my legs.

COUNTESS: Haste you again.

	[Exeunt severally]




	ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL






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