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"My Karma ran over your dogma."

"A friend is someone who will help you move.  A real friend is someone who
will help you move a body."

"What if this weren't a hypothetical question?"

"A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't."

"A lifetime is more than sufficiently long for people to get what
 there is of it wrong."

"A stitch in time would have confused Einstein."

"A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool
 can from a mountain top ."

"Accident, n.: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but
 absence of body is better."

"Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human
 intelligence long enough to get money from it."

"After all is said and done, a lot more will be said than done."

"All power corrupts, but we need the electricity."

"All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors."

"An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible."

"Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea."

"Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of."

"Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses."

"Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never
 tried taking candy from a baby."

"Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?"

"Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought
 for those people who can't remember where they leave things."

"Barnum was wrong - it's more like every 30 seconds."

"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function."

"Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice."

"Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it."

"Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will
 happen to you the rest of the day."

"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege."

"Fools rush in where fools have been before."

"He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit."

"He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch."

"I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere."

"In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would
 have taken many men many months to equal it."

"I'm not worried about the bullet with my name on it... just the
 thousands out there marked 'Occupant.'"

"People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer
 to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs."

"The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television."

"There is no god, and Murphy is his prophet."

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its

"He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit."

"The wages of sin are unreported."

"It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything."

"Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other."

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