Document: All > Quotations > [M] > Groucho Marx
"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was
convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
"I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T
WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER."
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an
"Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped."
"It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy."
"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have
"Go, and never darken my towels again."
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's
too dark to read."
"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the
set, I go into the other room and read a book."
"My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been