Document:  All > Shakespeare > Comedies > Much Ado About Nothing > Act IV, scene II

Jump to: the first appearance of that_i_am_an_ass._no,_thou_villain,_thou_art_full_of




	[Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and Sexton, in gowns; and
	the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO]

DOGBERRY: Is our whole dissembly appeared?

VERGES: O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.

Sexton: Which be the malefactors?

DOGBERRY: Marry, that am I and my partner.

VERGES: Nay, that's certain; we have the exhibition to examine.

Sexton: But which are the offenders that are to be
	examined? let them come before master constable.

DOGBERRY: Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your
	name, friend?

BORACHIO: Borachio.

DOGBERRY: Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah?

CONRADE: I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.

DOGBERRY: Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do
	you serve God?


CONRADE: |
	|  Yea, sir, we hope.
BORACHIO: |


DOGBERRY: Write down, that they hope they serve God: and
	write God first; for God defend but God should go
	before such villains! Masters, it is proved already
	that you are little better than false knaves; and it
	will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer
	you for yourselves?

CONRADE: Marry, sir, we say we are none.

DOGBERRY: A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but I
	will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a
	word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought
	you are false knaves.

BORACHIO: Sir, I say to you we are none.

DOGBERRY: Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they are both in a
	tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?

Sexton: Master constable, you go not the way to examine:
	you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.

DOGBERRY: Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch
	come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince's
	name, accuse these men.

First Watchman: This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince's
	brother, was a villain.

DOGBERRY: Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat
	perjury, to call a prince's brother villain.

BORACHIO: Master constable,--

DOGBERRY: Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look,
	I promise thee.

Sexton: What heard you him say else?

Second Watchman: Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of
	Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.

DOGBERRY: Flat burglary as ever was committed.

VERGES: Yea, by mass, that it is.

Sexton: What else, fellow?

First Watchman: And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to
	disgrace Hero before the whole assembly. and not marry her.

DOGBERRY: O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting
	redemption for this.

Sexton: What else?

Watchman: This is all.

Sexton: And this is more, masters, than you can deny.
	Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away;
	Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner
	refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died.
	Master constable, let these men be bound, and
	brought to Leonato's: I will go before and show
	him their examination.

	[Exit]

DOGBERRY: Come, let them be opinioned.

VERGES: Let them be in the hands--

CONRADE: Off, coxcomb!

DOGBERRY: God's my life, where's the sexton? let him write
	down the prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind them.
	Thou naughty varlet!

CONRADE: Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.

DOGBERRY: Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not
	suspect my years? O that he were here to write me
	down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an
	ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not
	that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of
	piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness.
	I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer,
	and, which is more, a householder, and, which is
	more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in
	Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a
	rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath
	had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every
	thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that
	I had been writ down an ass!

	[Exeunt]




	MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING






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